Transitions for life, People in Motion


Me, Myself, and I: changing your unchangeable self


How many times have you said to yourself and others, "I can't help it; this is just how I am." What is that personal trait that you often wish you didn't have but know you can't do anything about? Do any of these sound familiar? "I'm bad with money. I can't stick to a budget because I was born with the spending gene." "I'm the kind of person who has to say what I think no matter what." "I have to be in control of my situation in order to be happy." "I am totally unable to be anywhere on time." "I cannot work without clearly defined direction." "I can't trust people to not take advantage of me." "I can't relax if there is work to be done." Often what we think is hard-wired behavior is actually deeply ingrained habits or beliefs that have been around since childhood. These beliefs may have served us well at one point in our lives but now just get in the way of our growth and limit our success. One of the most powerful tools for self-enhancement is to rewrite our limiting beliefs to serve us better. Consciously creating more supportive beliefs and habits can open new doors to possibility and opportunity. The most difficult aspect of changing a limiting belief is acknowledging that you have control over it. By seeing a belief as set in stone and unavoidable, we have a built-in, convenient excuse to not put forth effort to change it. The more rigidly we hang on to a limiting belief, the more reason there is to change it! Once you are able to see yourself in a place of choice with your limiting belief, you can take action to rewrite it.

Tips for rewriting your beliefs:


You begin with a 3-step process. First, own your limiting belief and take full responsibility for it using new language. For example, instead of saying "I just can't remember names", restate it as "I choose not to remember people's names when I meet them." Hard to hear, I know, but taking full ownership of the belief gives you the motivation and power to change it. Shine a new light on the limiting side of the belief and explore what life will be like when it changes. Now rewrite the belief to reflect what you really want, something you are proud to believe. Start your sentence with "I am someone who...", such as "I am someone who values remembering people's names." Spend a few days or weeks trying your new expanded belief on for size. Say it to yourself and others as often as you can, overriding the limiting belief message whenever it pops up. When your new belief begins to sink in, the limitation of the old belief becomes even more apparent to you. At this point it's time to move into the action step! Create a list of actions that support your new belief and set them in motion: Read a book on how to remember names. Set a "name goal" when attending an event with new faces. Make a new personal rule to admit when you have forgotten a name and ask for it again. Tell 3 people that you are working on this new belief and ask for their support and accountability. Changing limiting beliefs is an ongoing process and progress is not always straightforward. Be patient and treat yourself kindly, with a dose of humor thrown in. "Today I am someone who values remembering every fourth name I hear!" Remember to celebrate wins as your new belief kicks in! Coaching Challenge Ask yourself what internal trait is possibly holding you back. Ask for input from people you trust to support you. What is the limiting belief behind this trait? Rewrite your limiting belief to a more powerful one, using the 3-step process above. Explore one new possibility that your expanded belief makes possible for you! "If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves" ~ Thomas Edison		"All change is not growth; all movement is not forward." ~ Ellen Glasgow

Resources


Explore possible sources of your limiting belief using the Exploring Your Belief System worksheet. Read this insightful article Are You Living Your Parents' Core Beliefs? Having trouble rewriting your limiting belief, get help from your coach!		Are you ready for more? Get a coach!