Transitions for life, People in Motion


"You're Driving Me Nuts!" - a how-to guide for the chronically irritated


This month your coach is into a bit of sick humor (or aversion therapy), so bear with me. Hopefully by poking fun at a common problem we can all have a good laugh and learn something! Have you ever noticed that some people have a real gift for attracting irritating people into their life? Others are blessed with one or two, and some never seem to have any at all. Most of us have had the pleasure of spending time with that special individual who grates so effectively on the nerves. Perhaps it's the friend who always complains about her job (husband, kids, etc.) or the guy that constantly interrupts your conversation to tell his own better story. And don't forget the neighbor who always needs a favor but never returns one and the PTA president that always expects you to volunteer. How boring life would be without such colorful characters to rub us the wrong way! After years of working with clients to turn around irritating relationships, I realized that I had uncovered all the secrets needed to create them as well. If you are feeling a decided lack of people who drive you nuts, here is a step-by-step program guaranteed to bring them running. Of course, if you prefer an irritant-free life, you can always reverse the process!		"As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it." ~ Dick Cavett

Tips for attracting irritating people:


First, be sure to keep your boundaries and standards low Our boundaries represent what we are willing to allow people to do to us. To provide a welcoming environment to irritating people, you must keep your standards low. "I will allow co-workers to dump their problems on me." "I will let friends take advantage of my willingness to listen." Personal standards refer to the behavior and actions to which you are willing to hold yourself. Encourage complainers by your willingness to listen and commiserate. Attract gossip mongers by gossiping yourself. Second, remember to always say Yes, even when you want to say No If you are really into that feeling of being taken advantage of, be sure to volunteer for everything before you are asked. This gives you full license to complain, "They always expect me to do everything", putting you well on your way of becoming an irritating person yourself! If this proactive method is overwhelming to you, try saying Yes whenever asked to do something and eventually you will always get asked. An advanced form of this technique is to do or buy something for someone who hasn't asked for it and probably won't appreciate it the way you intend. This allows people to become extremely irritating to you without any effort or knowledge on their part! Third, be unflaggingly polite so the person driving you nuts will think well of you To keep them coming back for more, irritating people need to know that their efforts are appreciated. Never let your frustration with their demands show. They might think you rude if you suggest that it is their turn to buy lunch for a change. Refrain from expressing your needs and desires. Irritating people are rarely interested in a quid pro quo affiliation, so get your need for a balanced relationship met some other way. Cultivate a strong desire to have everyone like you, regardless of how you feel about them. This is critical to maintaining the all-important "happy face" in the midst of developing an irritating relationship. Irritating people don't like to be irritated! It takes time to become chronically irritated, so be patient with yourself. If you find yourself becoming intolerant of unreasonable demands and painful conversation, remember your goal: to surround yourself with as many people who drive you nuts as you can stand!		"A friendship that exacts oneness of opinion and conduct is not worth much." ~ Mohandas Gandhi

Resources


Register for our Communication Discovery teleforum: Dealing with Difficult People in the Workplace. Learn to work effectively and powerfully with Tanks, Whiners and Know-it-Alls! Define where you draw the line in this USA Today article. Explore the irritating relationships in your life during a free 30-minute session with your coach!		Are you ready for more? Get a coach!