Transitions for life, People in Motion


Distressed for Success - Are you Striving or Thriving?


Adj: striving - an effortful attempt to attain a goal, to try very hard to do something or to make something happen Synonyms: nisus, pains, strain Related words: battling, slogging, toiling, struggle, determination, grinding Adj: thriving - lively and profitable, flourishing, having or showing vigorous animal life Synonyms: booming, flourishing, growing Related words: healthy, prospering, prosperous, palmy, successful Which of these two definitions best describes your life? Where are you on the striving/thriving scale? Where would you choose to be? Many of us were gifted as children with the belief that one must work hard to succeed in life. We were rewarded for determined effort and thus created a mental link between efforting and results. "No Pain, No Gain" became the accepted internal mantra. Struggle and toil were the price of becoming prosperous and successful. As adults, we firmly believe that striving is necessary to eventually attain a state of thriving. The crisis of mid-life often comes when we see no end to the striving; no big reward for years of grinding effort. My clients come to me seeking a flourishing existence but are often stuck in the struggle and toil. "Surely letting go of determination and effort will unravel everything I've worked so hard to achieve!" The move into thriving requires a powerful internal shift in thinking: the more you try to force an outcome, the less likely you are to achieve it. Try floating on your back in a pool. The more you concentrate on staying afloat, the more you use your arms and legs to maintain balance and buoyancy, the faster you sink. Only by relaxing and enjoying the feel of the water supporting you can you achieve your desired objective. Was your best job interview the one you prepared for the most or the one you were the least attached to? I am not suggesting that you stop caring about success or chose to not work towards your goals. A vigorous, prospering life is all about having a vision and powerful goals to pull you forward into your life. But when you move from being pulled forward by your goals in a "lively and profitable" way to "an effortful attempt to make something happen", you begin to sink in the proverbial pool of life.		"If I had known what it would be like to have it all... I might have settled for less." ~ Lily Tomlin

Tips for moving from striving to thriving:


First, make time to step back and feel the renewed pull of your vision Our personal vision for life and work can wear down under the stress of daily efforting. When you feel yourself getting lost in the striving, ask why you are trying so hard to force a particular outcome. Reconnect with your inner thriver and design a better way. Yes, you can achieve more by doing less. When you are drowning in the day, take a moment to step back, breathe, and review your bigger goal. Does the effort of the moment really add value in the grand scheme of things for the week/month/year? How is your time being wasted today? Second, ask yourself if you are swimming upstream needlessly or taking advantage of the flow To everything there is a season. If you are struggling to make something happen, ask yourself if now is really the right time. Perhaps this is just a bad year to start that Masters program or the wrong day to make your point with the new boss. Will you be too busy when opportunity knocks? When you feel a powerful, exciting flow towards something you want, take advantage of it. Don't allow the daily striving to get in the way of better opportunities to thrive! Third, get connected and be present! A thriving, vigorous life requires connecting with people, not just things. Meaningful life gets lost in the rush to get to the next thing. In every situation, focus on the person first, the work at hand second, and the to-do list last. Find other thrivers in your company and observe how they work and interact. What inner vision drives them? How do they maintain their lively focus? Who do they surround themselves with? How are they perceived by others? How are they not striving? Thriving is about daily success. It is about finding joy and achievement in the small moments every day, not holding out for the big one. It requires being fully focused in the present, not living constantly in the future. So cease to strive and begin to thrive!		"When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen." ~ Arland Gilbert

Resources


Read Paul Pearsall's Toxic Success: How to Stop Striving and Start Thriving to change the way you view the world and live in it. Get some tips on Appreciating the Moment in this article about the impact of divided attention.		Are you ready for more? Get a coach!